Yep, there's always the argument that a game uses what you have, and it's somewhat still very true. Technically I've got cards with 12GB, 16GB, and 24GB. Most things still play nice all the way down to 12 GB (@1440p-Indiana Jones and Veilguard were the only two games I really had to lower settings for 60+ FPS on this card) and 16 GB(4K-some native, mostly DLSS quality and occasional framegen).
I've seen about a half dozen games that will go over, sometimes close to 20GB, for 4K but those games mostly work just fine on a 16GB card if some things are dialed back slightly. I am seeing more games use more, but it's very incremental, say 1 or 2 per year.
What I find more interesting is that ever since frame gen came into the picture, combined with DLSS quality, VRAM usage can go higher but the extra onboard tech usually enables higher framerates. Used to be if you did manage to load up ~20+ GB of VRAM, it was a slideshow.